Dating can be fun, but so can being single. Although it may not be ideal for everyone, you should view this as an opportunity rather than a burden. Whether you’re single for a short time or a lifetime (if that’s your calling), every season comes with its charm. The beauty of being single is that there is always room for self-discovery and personal growth.
Often, the world glorifies romantic relationships, so it can be challenging for singles to navigate this season successfully, but the Bible aptly reminds us, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV
Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. And if you are lonely, it’s still possible to make your single season a fulfilling one.
After back-to-back relationships, I found myself at 30, single, and starting over. Of course, I experienced internal panic because, according to the world, I was already behind in life. However, a part of me was also relieved. The first decade after high school might not have gone as planned, but I am older and wiser, and I don’t want to make the same mistakes in the next decade. I thought I would miss dating, and I did, briefly. But I’ve grown so much in the last three years.
I believe that as Christians, there is a unique opportunity for us to embrace this time and fill it with growth, purpose, and God. You will never again have a time like this to build your relationship with God or get to know yourself.
Get Clear On Who God Says You Are
If I’m honest with you, after I came out of my last relationship, I had no idea who I was. I was dead in every single way. I didn’t know what I liked. Or what my hobbies were. I didn’t even have ambition anymore. I took on so much of my partner’s personality that I didn’t have an identity of my own.
Because of this, I had to begin again. I had to get clear on who I was, what my passions were, and where I fit into the grand scheme of things, all while working through the emotional baggage of a breakup.
I needed to understand my intentions and mend my relationship with God. The truth is, even though I had someone for so long, I felt empty. There was a void that no man could fill. Matthew 6:33 ESV says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
That’s exactly what I had to do. With no direction for my life, through prayer and fasting, I made meeting with God my priority. Nothing else filled me. Not my failed relationship. Nor my failed career. Or any of the things I pursued at the time. I had to believe that if I sought God first, all the things I desired would then be added to my life. He would make it clear to me.
Make Purity Your Goal
One of my biggest battles was sexual immorality. In this modern dating world, hookup culture is everywhere. So, I didn’t know if this was possible. To become pure. I’ve done some very unchristian things in my time before truly coming to know God.
A lot of what I did can’t be taken back. I wish I knew then what I know now. But there comes a time in your life when you have to accept the things you can’t change. I’ve made mistakes, and God knows that.
“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:13 NIV
I cannot lie to myself. Let alone lie to God. He knows the very intimate parts of me. I am saved by His grace, and not by my works. Being saved happens all at once; however, sanctification takes time. Aligning your life with His will takes time. Walking in obedience is costly and will take time. Nothing changes unless you change.
If you’re single right now, like me, you have a chance to start over. I encourage you to repent for your sins and ask for His forgiveness. Strive to live better and live holy.
“So then, if anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 CEB
Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
Singleness is not a deficiency but a gift from God, and it comes with its own set of responsibilities. Use the time wisely to nurture existing friendships and family bonds. You can also use this time to go out and meet new people.
Proverbs 18:24 NIV says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Now that I had the time, I could evaluate which relationships I wanted to maintain and which I preferred to let go of. I wanted to actively work on the relationships I valued. There was even a boldness about making new friends and surrounding myself with good people who shared a similar mindset and a passion for knowing God.
You could find support and encouragement from fellow believers, whether through small groups, mentorship, or while serving in the church. Hebrews 10 emphasizes the importance of meeting together and encouraging one another. If you intend to date again, it makes sense to put yourself in social environments so you can meet people and build lasting relationships.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together as some are the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24–25 NIV
Fellowship lets us be part of communities that help us to grow spiritually. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to live outside the body of Christ. God has made you alive in His church, and what is a better time to serve than in a season of singleness?
Travel With Purpose
Finally, travel. Things get more complicated the older you get. Stepping outside of familiar surroundings will expose you to a diverse perspective. God is our creator; aren’t you curious about all that He has created?
Whether it is exploring the beauty of nature or visiting historical sites that bring the Bible to life, traveling challenges you to rely on all that God has to provide. It also provides you with an opening to share the gospel and your love for God with others.
“And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10:15 NIV
Step out of your comfort zone and foster resilience and adaptability. Enrich your faith by conquering your fears and embracing uncertainty. Become spiritually mature by sharing your empathy, compassion, and humility with others.
In the end, it is about His timing and your perspective. Use your single season to prepare for your intended partner and to become the person your partner needs. Meditate on His promises, appreciate all He has given you now, and just enjoy this time you have with God. Grow yourself spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Explore your interests and get to know yourself better.