Childhood friendships often develop naturally and effortlessly. You bond over shared experiences, focusing less on compatibility and more on the fact that these friendships arise simply from being near one another. However, adult friendships are a little more intentional. I’ve always believed friends are the family we choose.
As adults, we typically choose to spend time with people who share our values, beliefs, and lifestyles. While it’s no secret that making friends takes effort, what happens when the connections we pursue leave us feeling lonely, discouraged, and spiritually unfulfilled?
“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 13:20
The people you surround yourself with influence your thoughts, emotions, and spiritual growth. If your friendships drain rather than uplift, it’s time to reevaluate who walks beside you. Unbalanced relationships—where one person is always giving and the other is only receiving—can leave you feeling emotionally drained, unappreciated, frustrated, resentful, doubtful, and exhausted.
As believers, we are called to build relationships grounded in love, truth, and encouragement. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another,” challenging us to seek friendships that refine and strengthen our faith. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 further emphasizes this truth: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” True friendships are a gift—they lift us up when we’re weary, inspire growth, and remind us we’re never meant to walk alone.
Sadly, not everyone experiences this blessing. Many of us feel isolated, ostracized, or misunderstood, especially when we choose to walk in faith. It’s a painful reality when the very relationships meant to build us up leave us feeling let down. When friendships fall short in life, the answer lies in intentionally surrounding yourself with people who reflect God’s love.
Through every season, you want those who will walk faithfully alongside you in purpose, ready to grow spiritually. You must trust that God knows your heart and will align you with the right people at the right time.
FRIENDSHIP VS. SOLITUDE: STRIKING A BALANCE
Is it better to have friends or be alone? This question isn’t easily answered by a simple yes or no; however, in adulthood, quality matters more than quantity. You can be surrounded by crowds of people and still feel alone. Unhealthy relationships will drain you faster than a sinking ship takes on water. We’re meant for connection—but not just any connection.
This is why balance is key. Solitude can be a sanctuary of renewal and growth—a divine pause where God hides you to prepare you for what’s ahead. But isolation, when prolonged, becomes a prison of loneliness, cutting you off from the connections that nourish your soul.
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 NIV
The right relationships nourish you and sustain you. When you prioritize purposeful and deep connections, built on intentionality, you will get the support, understanding, and meaningful conversations you crave. Choose friends who align with your values and who challenge you. Choose friends who care about your struggles, faith, career, and relationships.
Childhood friends often survive without much effort. There’s no need for scheduling and planning. But as an adult, if neither makes the effort, the friendship fades. We all have different responsibilities—jobs, marriage, children, or personal growth—so our friendships need to adapt.
If you want loyalty and longevity, you need to be more selective about the company you keep. As the Bible reminds us, ‘Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). When you align with the right people, you tend to be stronger, wiser, and more confident.
WISDOM IN CHOOSING FRIENDS
God desires for you to have fulfilling relationships, but He also calls you to trust Him in the waiting. It is your responsibility to choose your companions wisely. Friendship has a profound impact on our well-being. Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and reciprocity. They encourage growth, provide emotional support, and create a space where both individuals feel valued.
There is immense power in surrounding yourself with positive, like-minded people because it fosters emotional resilience and personal development.
Ask yourself:
- Do my friendships leave me feeling uplifted or exhausted?
- Am I the only one making an effort to maintain the relationship?
- Do we share similar values, or do our perspectives on life clash in a way that causes more harm than good?
Recognizing these patterns can help you take intentional steps toward building healthier relationships—ones that reflect God’s design for connection, where love, encouragement, and accountability thrive.
“God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing.” Psalm 68:6
This verse is a reminder that God provides companionship in unexpected ways. Sometimes, He removes certain people from our lives to make room for better ones. Other times, He draws us closer to Him in our solitude. By aligning your friendships with His wisdom, you not only honor His guidance but also create a foundation for relationships that uplift, inspire, and endure through life’s seasons.
GOD-CENTERED FRIENDSHIPS: TRUST & DISCERNMENT
Now, let’s go into Practical Steps—how to align your friendships with your faith and emotional well-being.
Pray For God To Bring The Right People Into Your Life
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 NIV
Before making any drastic decisions about friendships, bring your concerns to God. Ask Him for discernment to recognize who belongs in your life and who does not. Pray for friendships that reflect His love and wisdom. When you seek God first, He aligns your desires—including friendships—with His plan.
Set Boundaries With Friends Who Drain You Emotionally
“In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.” 2 Thessalonians 3:6 NIV
Not every friendship needs to end, but some require clear boundaries. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or unseen, it may be time to limit your emotional investment. Protect your peace by managing how much time and energy you give to unhealthy friendships.
Seek Christian Communities That Align With Your Values
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV
One of the best ways to build meaningful friendships is by surrounding yourself with people who share your faith and life principles. Look for:
- A small group or Bible study
- A faith-based volunteer organization
- Christian networking communities (both online and offline)
Building friendships takes effort, but placing yourself in environments where like-minded believers gather can open the door to connections that encourage and uplift you. The right community will refine you if you walk with God and not in a judgmental, condescending way.
Be the kind of friend you desire
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Luke 6:31 NIV
While it’s important to recognize unhealthy friendships, it’s equally important to reflect on the kind of friend you are. Are you present, encouraging, and intentional? Meaningful friendships are mutual, so embody the qualities you seek in others.
“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Proverbs 11:25 NIV
While the wrong company can lead to stagnation or harm, the right people bring strength, support, and encouragement. Choose friends who not only stand by you in the present but also inspire you to grow in the future. If someone can no longer walk alongside you in your journey, cherish the role they played while making space for new connections that align with who God has called you to be. True friendship should be a light that brightens your path, not a weight that holds you down. Pursue relationships rooted in love, faith, and mutual encouragement, and trust that God is guiding you toward the people who reflect His purpose for your life.
